“You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.”

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, ‘What do I do next?’ Pat replied, ‘Wait till the pain dies down.’

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green

Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn’t get elected, he’d go back to acting.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn’t hear them.

I tell jokes to pay my green fees.

I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.

There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.

I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.

When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it is. And what pure fresh air I’m breathing. Then I take a deep breath. I have to do that. That’s what gives me the strength to break the club.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.

I’m a girl from South Carolina. I was raised in a middle class family and decided to major in broadcast journalism.

The middle class, in any society, plays the role of graphite rods in nuclear reactors: they slow down the reaction and, if it weren’t for them, the reactor would explode.

Turkey is a European country, an Asian country, a Middle Eastern country,

A society without a middle class is a society primed for explosion.

The middle way is an invitation to leap beyond nirvana and samsara and to realize the unborn Buddha mind right in the middle of everywhere.

The Buddha’s insight into the middle way is not simply about a balance between extremes. This conventional understanding misses the deeper revelation of the middle way as being the very nature of unexcelled enlightenment.

Who that has plodded on to middle age would take back upon his shoulders ten of the vanished years, with their mingled pleasures and pains? Who would return to the youth he is forever pretending to regret?

Real management is developing people through work.