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He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

Bob Hope

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
BOB HOPE

Dieting Friend Good Loss Weight
I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.
BOB HOPE

Flying Funny Travel Luggage
I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
BOB HOPE

Funny Inspirational Place Proactive Time
She got to enjoy the personal side of the players. They were her kids. The Braves were her family.
BOB HOPE

Braves Family Kid Players
Celebrities have a way of touching our lives. Perhaps we are influenced by their screen image, or perhaps by their acquired status.
BOB HOPE

Christmas Image Littles Screen Touching
I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.
BOB HOPE

Adversity Better Lucky Now Pugs
America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous
One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.
BOB HOPE

Balls Forever Gifts Good Greatest Laughter Thank
The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.
BOB HOPE

Funny Giving Humor
At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.
BOB HOPE

Acting Awards Hollywood Press Thinking
Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday … He would say, ‘Keep it sweet and short and don’t try to be funny.’
BOB HOPE

Singing Sweet Trying
Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.
BOB HOPE

Balls Golf Play
I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humble Humor
Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Funny Marriage Two
When you get over 95, every day is your day.
BOB HOPE

Country Day Every Get Over People
That’s life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.
BOB HOPE

Dieting Golf Loss Weight
I’ve got to watch myself these days. It’s too exciting watching anyone else.
BOB HOPE

Days Line One These Watches
Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure.
BOB HOPE

Failure Girlfriend House Sex
Please don’t stand up on my account.
BOB HOPE

Account Line One Please Stand
President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.
BOB HOPE

Golf Painting President
I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Littles
If I had that kind of money, I wouldn’t come to Vietnam, I’d send for it.
BOB HOPE

Country Kind Line Money One People
For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green
BOB HOPE

Firsts Green Oscars
It was a typically British birth… I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward… I came out in sympathy.
BOB HOPE

Funny Hilarious Sympathy Witty
My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.
BOB HOPE

Doors Even Garage Love Makin Next
I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Love People Witty
Chiropractic is a wonderful means of natural healing!
BOB HOPE

Healing Mean Wonderful

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

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He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

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