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I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

Bob Hope

The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Government Humorous People
If I had that kind of money, I wouldn’t come to Vietnam, I’d send for it.
BOB HOPE

Country Kind Line Money One People
A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.
BOB HOPE

Doctors Funny Heart Operating Table
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.
BOB HOPE

Jesus News Pissed
One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.
BOB HOPE

Balls Forever Gifts Good Greatest Laughter Thank
I just hope I don’t have to explain all the times I’ve used His name in vain when I get up there.
BOB HOPE

Get Golf Names Vain
Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.
BOB HOPE

Funny Golf Same Time Together
I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Littles
The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he’s not running for anything.
BOB HOPE

Aspiration Funny Presidential Running States
Everybody is afraid they won’t have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.
BOB HOPE

Discover Funny Money Taken
Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.
BOB HOPE

Drinking Night Suffering
Free speech isn’t dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Italian
I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.
BOB HOPE

Although Beautiful Girl Lucky Over Thing Whole
The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
BOB HOPE

Apart Dog Miles Pet Tree
Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Night Reason Same
Bing Crosby and I weren’t the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other.
BOB HOPE

Doing Nothing Kissing Light

I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

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I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

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