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Bing Crosby and I weren’t the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other.

Bob Hope

The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn’t got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous
Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Kids Wonderful
I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.
BOB HOPE

Country People Political Jokes
America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous
I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, “Don’t worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it’s obsolete.”
BOB HOPE

Aircraft Asked Bob Obsolete Type Worry
Failure is the only thing I’ve ever been a success at.
BOB HOPE

Decent Garden State
You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.
BOB HOPE

Fans Letters Raspberries
There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Pointed Rip
Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells ‘Fore!’ the guy he’s hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.
BOB HOPE

Ambulance Golf Golfer Guy Slowly Speaks Time Way
The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he’s not running for anything.
BOB HOPE

Aspiration Funny Presidential Running States
Television. That’s where movies go when they die.
BOB HOPE

Country Dies Movie People Television
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
BOB HOPE

Funny Hope Love
We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
BOB HOPE

Courses Decide Golf Play Spring
On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.
BOB HOPE

Alligators Bags Golf
I don’t bother to look for parking space anymore. As soon as I get near Hollywood Boulevard … I sell.
BOB HOPE

Anymore Country Funny Soon Space
He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.
BOB HOPE

Balls Go Golf Yards
Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Definitely Essence Life
I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.
BOB HOPE

Men President Six
Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Funny Marriage Two
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
BOB HOPE

Day Mean Motherhood Mothers
I like to play in the low 70’s. If it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!
BOB HOPE

Bars Golf Hotter Play
When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
BOB HOPE

Music Names Personality Play
As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window.
BOB HOPE

Food Funny Humorous
I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
BOB HOPE

Age Golf Play Tried Weight
The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent’s handshake.
BOB HOPE

Funny Handshake Tired Water
Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?
BOB HOPE

Dresses Funny Humorous Oil
Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I’ve never heard of a clean one.
BOB HOPE

Country Dirty People War

Bing Crosby and I weren’t the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other.

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Bing Crosby and I weren’t the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bob Hope Quotes