When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.
BOB HOPEPebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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Don’t tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.
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As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window.
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I’ve always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It’s an island and the audience can’t run very far.
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I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.
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I don’t bother to look for parking space anymore. As soon as I get near Hollywood Boulevard … I sell.
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A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.
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The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
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The home videos aren’t as good, but they are seeming to get better.
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If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right.
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The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.
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Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.
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Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.
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Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.
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Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes.
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Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
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It’s very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.
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I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it’s silly to let the game get to you.
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You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.
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That’s life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.
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Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?
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I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.
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I do try to work out a little. I go swimming twice a day. It beats buying golf balls.
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Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
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The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.
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The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn’t got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.
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The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he’s not running for anything.
BOB HOPE