“Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.”

Christianity is a religion in a rush.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.

I feel, first of all, very privileged that these people think enough of me that they made me commissioner. And it’s almost like, as Yogi Berra said, ‘deja vu all over again.’

Once it’s too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is.

He was bare chested and in good trim. I said that just looking at him I knew there would always be an England

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands

US President Gerald Ford’s golf was so bad we thought he was a ‘Hitman for the PGA!

A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.

We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.

There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood.

We continue to negotiate and hope that this will quickly be resolved.

[on pop idol Donny Osmond] He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.

Thus to share in the sufferings of Christ is, at the same time, to suffer for the kingdom of God. In the eyes of the just God, before his judgment. Those who share in the sufferings of Christ become worthy of this kingdom.

I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?

People from the rock and roll world have felt for years that electronic music had no soul, but now electronic music can not only have soul but have all the shapes in the world.

Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.

I try not to drink too much because when I’m drunk, I bite.

I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.

I keep telling people: Don’t make me the poster boy for AA because I don’t know a lot about sobriety, but I do know a lot about drinking.

My biggest weakness as a endurance athlete has been in not drinking enough water after training, thereby racing sometimes while dehydrated.

I’m calling for all responsible Americans to fight back and punish Pepsi for using a man who degrades women, who encourages substance abuse, and does all the things that hurt particularly the poor in our society.

When the movies first started, audiences were dumbstruck to see actresses walking around in evening gowns. They’d never seen anything like that. They wanted to be like those actors and actresses, so the movies informed their behavior.

Were I to prescribe a rule for drinking, it should be formed upon a saying quoted by Sir William Temple: the first glass for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the fourth for mine enemies.

At about the age of ten, my friends and I discovered the joys of sitting in graveyards drinking merrydown cider and kissing and stealing our elder siblings’ records.