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I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.

Bob Hope

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight – and that was just their hair.
BOB HOPE

England Hair Line One
A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.
BOB HOPE

Men One Line Religious
America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous
One of our stock lines used to be “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Bing, and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me.” And that’s the way we go through life – doing nothing for each other!
BOB HOPE

Each Lines Nothing Other Stock Way
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
BOB HOPE

Day Mean Motherhood Mothers
I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Littles
It’s so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.
BOB HOPE

Cold Hands Pockets Politician
Failure is the only thing I’ve ever been a success at.
BOB HOPE

Decent Garden State
The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Government Humorous People
He was bare chested and in good trim. I said that just looking at him I knew there would always be an England
BOB HOPE

Country Good Line Look One
I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
BOB HOPE

Friend Funny Hate Inspiration
The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.
BOB HOPE

Bombers Bombs Hell
In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you.
BOB HOPE

Funny Rain Weather
I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.
BOB HOPE

Animal Running White
I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
BOB HOPE

Age Golf Play Tried Weight
Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It’s going to get us out of the house after dark!
BOB HOPE

Congratulations Dark House
You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.
BOB HOPE

Fans Letters Raspberries
Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
BOB HOPE

Drinking Kissing Tea
The service at the Imperial (Tokyo) is the finest I’ve encountered anywhere. There was a button next to my bed marked ROOM SERVICE – and a maid to press it for me.
BOB HOPE

Button Country Funny Hotel Humorous Maid Press Room Service
Celebrities have a way of touching our lives. Perhaps we are influenced by their screen image, or perhaps by their acquired status.
BOB HOPE

Christmas Image Littles Screen Touching
Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you’ll promise her anything.
BOB HOPE

Country Littles People Promise Way
President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.
BOB HOPE

Golf Painting President
I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.
BOB HOPE

Caddies Golf Lying
He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.
BOB HOPE

Balls Go Golf Yards
I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.
BOB HOPE

Hands Men Ruined Stepping
If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.
BOB HOPE

Balls Golf Nation Slice Worry
Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here – just for me.
BOB HOPE

Appreciate Want War Winding

I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.

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I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.

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Popular Authors

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