A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
BOB HOPEIt’s not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course – you just follow the wounded.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday … He would say, ‘Keep it sweet and short and don’t try to be funny.’
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My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.
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Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies
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When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
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The service at the Imperial (Tokyo) is the finest I’ve encountered anywhere. There was a button next to my bed marked ROOM SERVICE – and a maid to press it for me.
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The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn’t got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.
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Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.
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Laughter is therapy-an instant vacation.
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The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear’s huge jaws. I wouldn’t even try that with my agent.
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I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?
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Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.
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Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.
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Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?
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Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells ‘Fore!’ the guy he’s hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.
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Free speech isn’t dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.
BOB HOPE