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It’s not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course – you just follow the wounded.

Bob Hope

We didn’t know that in America after the war, you wouldn’t be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.
BOB HOPE

Able Although Country Lost Reservation
I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
BOB HOPE

Friend Funny Hate Inspiration
Celebrities have a way of touching our lives. Perhaps we are influenced by their screen image, or perhaps by their acquired status.
BOB HOPE

Christmas Image Littles Screen Touching
The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.
BOB HOPE

Funny Giving Humor
If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right.
BOB HOPE

Golf Relax Right Thinking
I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.
BOB HOPE

Boxing Canvas Funny Sports
Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.
BOB HOPE

Business Golf Green Pay
I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, ‘What do I do next?’ Pat replied, ‘Wait till the pain dies down.’
BOB HOPE

Dies Golf Pain Swings
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.
BOB HOPE

Jesus News Pissed
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
BOB HOPE

Day Mean Motherhood Mothers
If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.
BOB HOPE

Balls Golf Nation Slice Worry
That’s life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.
BOB HOPE

Dieting Golf Loss Weight
My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
BOB HOPE

Christmas Holiday Old Fashioned Xmas
Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure.
BOB HOPE

Failure Girlfriend House Sex
I don’t know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He’s done nothing.
BOB HOPE

Carter Done Nothing People
Lots of travel, away from home.
BOB HOPE

Away From Home Line One
When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.
BOB HOPE

Actors Comedy Parent
Free speech isn’t dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Italian
I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Love People Witty
Everybody is afraid they won’t have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.
BOB HOPE

Discover Funny Money Taken
Please don’t stand up on my account.
BOB HOPE

Account Line One Please Stand
Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Definitely Essence Life
I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it’s silly to let the game get to you.
BOB HOPE

Anyone Bad Beautiful Golf Shot Silly
On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.
BOB HOPE

Alligators Bags Golf
The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Government Humorous People
Television is the box they buried entertainment in.
BOB HOPE

Boxes Entertainment Television
I tell jokes to pay my green fees.
BOB HOPE

Golf Green Pay

It’s not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course – you just follow the wounded.

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It’s not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course – you just follow the wounded.

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Popular Authors

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