You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.
BOB HOPEDying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right.
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Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.
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The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.
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I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it’s silly to let the game get to you.
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I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.
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She got to enjoy the personal side of the players. They were her kids. The Braves were her family.
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Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.
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A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.
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You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra.
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Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday … He would say, ‘Keep it sweet and short and don’t try to be funny.’
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One of our stock lines used to be “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Bing, and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me.” And that’s the way we go through life – doing nothing for each other!
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Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells ‘Fore!’ the guy he’s hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.
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Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It’s going to get us out of the house after dark!
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Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.
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On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.
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Lots of travel, away from home.
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I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.
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If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.
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She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn’t understand us at all.
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Everybody knows what California smog is – that’s fog with the vitamins removed.
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People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
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Golf is a funny game. It’s done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I’m the healthiest idiot in the world.
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If my golf game was a prize fight, they’d stop it.
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I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.
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The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don’t know which end to talk to.
BOB HOPE