“Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.”

It’s so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

I do try to work out a little. I go swimming twice a day. It beats buying golf balls.

I’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.

Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.

I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.

The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don’t know which end to talk to.

Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.

She got to enjoy the personal side of the players. They were her kids. The Braves were her family.

Free speech isn’t dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.

I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.

Bing Crosby and I weren’t the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other.

I didn’t realize at the moment exactly what I had done…I only realized the enormity of it when I walked into the press room and got a long standing ovation.

It’s so ridiculous to see a golfer with a one foot putt and everybody is saying “Shhh” and not moving a muscle.

I’ve come to realize that I perform best when I’m letting my subconscious mind hit the ball and my conscious mind is otherwise occupied.

If you hit a bad shot, just tell yourself it is great to be alive, relaxing and walking around on a beautiful golf course. The next shot will be better.

The best stroked putt in a lifetime does not bring the aesthetic satisfaction of a perfectly hit wood or iron shot.

I think dates considered super corny and cheesy – whether it’s going bowling or miniature golf or something where you can be competitive and just have fun with each other – those always make the most memorable dates!

This is the difference between a pastime and a passion. I like to play golf, but I am not a golfer. I like to cook, but I am not a chef. I don’t just like to run. I am a runner. It is a passion

If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’