If my golf game was a prize fight, they’d stop it.
BOB HOPEPersonally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.
BOB HOPE -
At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.
BOB HOPE -
You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.
BOB HOPE -
I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.
BOB HOPE -
The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don’t know which end to talk to.
BOB HOPE -
I like to play in the low 70’s. If it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!
BOB HOPE -
Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.
BOB HOPE -
Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.
BOB HOPE -
The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.
BOB HOPE -
She got to enjoy the personal side of the players. They were her kids. The Braves were her family.
BOB HOPE -
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things – not the great occasions – that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
BOB HOPE -
You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra.
BOB HOPE -
I’ve got to watch myself these days. It’s too exciting watching anyone else.
BOB HOPE -
I don’t bother to look for parking space anymore. As soon as I get near Hollywood Boulevard … I sell.
BOB HOPE -
My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.
BOB HOPE -
Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you’ll promise her anything.
BOB HOPE -
If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.
BOB HOPE -
He was bare chested and in good trim. I said that just looking at him I knew there would always be an England
BOB HOPE -
Free speech isn’t dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.
BOB HOPE -
Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.
BOB HOPE -
Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies
BOB HOPE -
Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome – the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.
BOB HOPE -
When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.
BOB HOPE -
Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
BOB HOPE -
I just hope I don’t have to explain all the times I’ve used His name in vain when I get up there.
BOB HOPE -
You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.
BOB HOPE