“I tell jokes to pay my green fees.”

Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells ‘Fore!’ the guy he’s hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.

It’s very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.

On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I’ve never heard of a clean one.

Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.

Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.

It’s so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

I do try to work out a little. I go swimming twice a day. It beats buying golf balls.

I’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.

Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.

I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.

The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don’t know which end to talk to.

I expect to play golf until I am 90-even longer if anybody figures out a way to swing a club from a rocking chair.

Golf is a game of coordination, rhythm, and grace; women have these to a high degree.

You can’t win them all but you can try.

Good golf is easier to play-and far more pleasant-than bad golf.

Golf without bunkers and hazards would be tame and monotonous. So would life.

There are no shortcuts to good golf. The better players realize this.

The greatest thing for me is when someone comes up and says, ‘My son started playing golf because of you,’ or, ‘I started playing golf because of you,’ and all that.

There’s a lot of great athletes all over the world, and some of them don’t have the access or opportunity to play the game of golf.