Golf is a funny game. It’s done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I’m the healthiest idiot in the world.
BOB HOPEI was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn’t hear them.
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I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.
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Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.
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The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.
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The service at the Imperial (Tokyo) is the finest I’ve encountered anywhere. There was a button next to my bed marked ROOM SERVICE – and a maid to press it for me.
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I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.
BOB HOPE -
I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?
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Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure.
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If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.
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For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green
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Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes.
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Lots of travel, away from home.
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Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.
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I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.
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I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.
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I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.
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We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.
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And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them.
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Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life.
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You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.
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I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.
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I’ve always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It’s an island and the audience can’t run very far.
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I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.
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It’s amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn’t sell theirs threw them away.
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A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
BOB HOPE