“The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don’t know which end to talk to.”

US President Gerald Ford’s golf was so bad we thought he was a ‘Hitman for the PGA!

A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.

We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.

There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood.

We continue to negotiate and hope that this will quickly be resolved.

[on pop idol Donny Osmond] He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.

Thus to share in the sufferings of Christ is, at the same time, to suffer for the kingdom of God. In the eyes of the just God, before his judgment. Those who share in the sufferings of Christ become worthy of this kingdom.

I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?

People from the rock and roll world have felt for years that electronic music had no soul, but now electronic music can not only have soul but have all the shapes in the world.

Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.

I was like, boy, I feel so good when I run, if everybody could feel like this, this sense of joy and physical well-being and strength and autonomy you have when you run, how much better the world would be, you know?

I’m from Los Angeles… I don’t trust any air I can’t see.

Jack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me.

Arnold Palmer is the biggest crowd pleaser since the invention of the portable sanitary facility.

Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it’s also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.

The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.