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You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.

Bob Hope

Everybody knows what California smog is – that’s fog with the vitamins removed.
BOB HOPE

Country Fog Funny Remove
It’s a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he’s dead.
BOB HOPE

Average Funny Humorous
We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Successful
Laughter is therapy-an instant vacation.
BOB HOPE

Instant Laughter Vacation
Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.
BOB HOPE

Belief Comedian Funny Humorous
Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I’ve never heard of a clean one.
BOB HOPE

Country Dirty People War
Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here – just for me.
BOB HOPE

Appreciate Want War Winding
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things – not the great occasions – that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
BOB HOPE

Happiness Inspirational Laughter
Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies
BOB HOPE

Ambition Dancing People
I’ve got to watch myself these days. It’s too exciting watching anyone else.
BOB HOPE

Days Line One These Watches
I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.
BOB HOPE

Animal Running White
At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.
BOB HOPE

Acting Awards Hollywood Press Thinking
Everybody is afraid they won’t have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.
BOB HOPE

Discover Funny Money Taken
The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don’t know which end to talk to.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous People
I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.
BOB HOPE

Games Golf Numeral Roman
President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.
BOB HOPE

Golf Painting President
If my golf game was a prize fight, they’d stop it.
BOB HOPE

Fighting Games Golf
The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent’s handshake.
BOB HOPE

Funny Handshake Tired Water
I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.
BOB HOPE

Flying Funny Travel Luggage
You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.
BOB HOPE

Fans Letters Raspberries
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
BOB HOPE

Age Growing Long
Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes.
BOB HOPE

Course Golf Play Small Winning
Failure is the only thing I’ve ever been a success at.
BOB HOPE

Decent Garden State
Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Kids Wonderful
I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, ‘What do I do next?’ Pat replied, ‘Wait till the pain dies down.’
BOB HOPE

Dies Golf Pain Swings
Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you’ll promise her anything.
BOB HOPE

Country Littles People Promise Way
Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.
BOB HOPE

Beach Golf Grass Pebbles

You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.

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You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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