I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
ADAM CAROLLAA lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
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I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
ADAM CAROLLA