Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
ADAM CAROLLAMmm, tastes like hepatitis!
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
ADAM CAROLLA