I get depressed at airports.
ADAM CAROLLAAsking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.
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I would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.
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So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
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I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
ADAM CAROLLA