“What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.”

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .

I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”

When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.

People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.

I’d never hurt another person.

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.

A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.

No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.

When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.

I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.

I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.

I know everything because I know nothing.

I don’t know anything about computers.

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.