I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
ADAM CAROLLAI’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
ADAM CAROLLA