You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
ADAM CAROLLAChicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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I would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format.
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Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It’s a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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