If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
ADAM CAROLLAIt should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
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If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
ADAM CAROLLA