“Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much”

The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.

I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.

I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.

You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.

All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.

I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.

Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.

I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.

You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.

They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.

I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.

I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.

I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.

People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.

What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

I think men of science as well as other men need to learn from Christ, and I think Christians whose minds are scientific are bound to study science that their view of the glory of God may be as extensive as their being is capable.

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

Christmas Day was special because everybody is watching at home. That’s what I loved about Christmas Day because it shined the spotlight on the Lakers, on our team.

And we knew that all of the other leagues were at home and millions of people were watching. So it made it a special day to play on Christmas.

Christmas for me is all about spending time with my family. I cherish any chance we have to spend all day together making gingerbread houses, baking cookies, or sitting around and watching movies.

The Christmas message shows us that this love is for everyone. There is no one beyond its reach.

The smell of pine needles, spruce and the smell of a Christmas tree – those to me, are the scents of the holidays.