I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
ADAM CAROLLAAs I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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I liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with their pluses and minuses.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
ADAM CAROLLA