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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

Adam Carolla

Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
ADAM CAROLLA

Butch Dyke Funny Humor Lesbian Lipstick Sweatpant Thinking
If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
ADAM CAROLLA

Beer Bottle Butterfly Chased Idea Sell Water
No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bear Chasing Depressed
That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
ADAM CAROLLA

Dream Force Like Love Pursue Quit Sport Writing
Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
ADAM CAROLLA

Explore Figure Funny Humor Nap Out
Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
ADAM CAROLLA

Better Emotional Guy Mechanical Stuff Women
You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Cruise Feeling Good Internet Name Walk
My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
ADAM CAROLLA

Building Car Life Some Working Wrenching
There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
ADAM CAROLLA

Agnostic Atheist Away Bigger Cancer Christian Screening Take
I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
ADAM CAROLLA

Burn Calories Happen Masculine Trying World
I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
ADAM CAROLLA

Desire People Political Some Sort Strong Thinking Wrap
The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
ADAM CAROLLA

Add Cab Car Knowing Shuttle Town Travel
Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
ADAM CAROLLA

Any Form Over Shape Taking Talk Way Weird
California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
ADAM CAROLLA

Country Fall Forty-Five Look School
Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Diarrhea Funny Hand Humor Riding Roller Coater Sex
I would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format.
ADAM CAROLLA

Favourite Form Freedom Mess Podcast Really
If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bridge Built Done Meant Women
I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
ADAM CAROLLA

Audience Monetization Really Secondary Thinking
If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
ADAM CAROLLA

Affiliation Everyone Glenn Beck Life Media Started Towards Worried
We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
ADAM CAROLLA

Asian Black Hispanic Straight Together White Working
I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
ADAM CAROLLA

Care Connection Country Hollywood Protection
People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
ADAM CAROLLA

Excel Fail Failing Opportunity People
I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.
ADAM CAROLLA

Definitely Drama Future Life Making Serious
Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
ADAM CAROLLA

Average Batting Delusional Good Hundred Percentage Pretty
Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
ADAM CAROLLA

Buc Focus Made Making Nickle Saving
I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
ADAM CAROLLA

Click Daughter Dude Funnier Gonna Mediocre Sense Staff Tell Writer
I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
ADAM CAROLLA

Calm Fine Natural Real Realist Sexist Simple

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

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