I know everything because I know nothing.
ADAM CAROLLAIf my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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