The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
ADAM CAROLLAI have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.
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Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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I would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format.
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
ADAM CAROLLA