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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

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Equivalent Fat Giving Government Morning Overwhelmed People Person Sending

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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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Christmas Country Dad Every Imagine Seeing Three Year
I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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Biggest Coffee Soccer Soft Thinking Whatever World
No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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Book Comedian Comedy Enjoy Fun Read Reader
Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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Anybody Attention Ill Money Power Thought Towards Will
I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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Calm Fine Natural Real Realist Sexist Simple
I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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Always Boxed Boxing Fight Ring Taught Won
I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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Bird Book Escape Mean Moving Relieved
I don’t know anything about computers.
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Aware Computer Function Know Knowlege Work
That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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Forever Funny Humor Interesting Philosophical Question
If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.
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Everyone Fiscally Hollywood Leaving Republican Shoot Thinking
Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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Buc Focus Made Making Nickle Saving
[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
ADAM CAROLLA

Equivalent Fat Giving Government Morning Overwhelmed People Person Sending
I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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Behind Feeling Feelings Joke Sort Stand Trying
Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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Average Batting Delusional Good Hundred Percentage Pretty
You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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Circumstance Gay Glider Hate Pomp Star Terrorist
My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
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History Less Motto Mystery Reveal Suspense
I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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Attempted Comedy Good Stand Up Very
I get depressed at airports.
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Airport Depress Depressed Fear Height Scare Shy
The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
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Compelling Good Host Podcast
Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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Chick Color Eye Great Visible Vision
I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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Aisle Feeling Land Side Thing Views
You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
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Cruise Feeling Good Internet Name Walk

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