I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
ADAM CAROLLAWe’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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