Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
ADAM CAROLLAI don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’d never hurt another person.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
ADAM CAROLLA