I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
ADAM CAROLLAIf you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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I liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with their pluses and minuses.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.
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Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
ADAM CAROLLA






