“All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.”

When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.

People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.

I’d never hurt another person.

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.

A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.

No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.

When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.

I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.

I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.

I know everything because I know nothing.

I don’t know anything about computers.

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.

I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.

Any writer of any worth at all hopes to play only a pocket-torch of light – and rarely, through genius, a sudden flambeau – into the bloody yet beautiful labyrinth of human experience, of being.

We just got to go on, that’s all. That’s what grownups would do.

Dawn came on us like a betrayer; it seemed as though the new sun rose as an ally of our enemies to assist in our destruction.

Safety and the assurance of safety are things of the past.

All men are mad in some way or the other, and inasmuch as you deal discreetly with your madmen, so deal with God’s madmen too, the rest of the world.

When I was a child, we seemed to be living in a world remote from the rest of the world. But television has made a great difference to all of us.

Everybody knows that fraternities are a normal culture in all colleges. It exists in all colleges. President Clinton was a member of a fraternity. In fact, anybody who goes to College in the United States is a member of a College fraternity. There is absolutely nothing evil or occultic about fraternity.

All worthwhile writing… comes from an individual vision, privately pursued.