I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
ADAM CAROLLA. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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I get depressed at airports.
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
ADAM CAROLLA