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I don’t know anything about computers.

Adam Carolla

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
ADAM CAROLLA

Construction Dirty Early Liked Money Naughty Nice Paid Something Stuff
I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
ADAM CAROLLA

Advertise Good Ice Cream Pie Thinking
I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Color Eye Great Visible Vision
California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
ADAM CAROLLA

Country Fall Forty-Five Look School
It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
ADAM CAROLLA

Fouth July Like Underpants
Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aware Get Getting Laid Over Thing
I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
ADAM CAROLLA

Click Daughter Dude Funnier Gonna Mediocre Sense Staff Tell Writer
There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
ADAM CAROLLA

Agnostic Atheist Away Bigger Cancer Christian Screening Take
I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
ADAM CAROLLA

Care Connection Country Hollywood Protection
I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
ADAM CAROLLA

Daughter Issue Love Mother Much Women
What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
ADAM CAROLLA

Common Sense Fist Hand Lawyer Sanitizer
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
ADAM CAROLLA

Enough Good Hurt Hurting Interesting Nice Parent People
Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
ADAM CAROLLA

Oprah Read Reading Tell Thinking Women
I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
ADAM CAROLLA

Best Each Friend Man Men Other Sex Spouse Thinking Tolerate Wife
If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
ADAM CAROLLA

Conservative Hollywood Need People Place
To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ability Assess Honest Honestly Important More Something Working

I don’t know anything about computers.

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I don’t know anything about computers.

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