“I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.”

You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.

I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.

Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

Welfare is monetary methadone.

People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.

Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.

I get depressed at airports.

I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.

Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.

To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.

A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.

I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

Among the largest banks, the capital ratios remain good and I don’t expect any serious problems . . . . among the large, internationally active banks that make up a very substantial part of our banking system.

I realized that the world did not exist for my benefit. It followed that the ratio of pleasant and unpleasant things around me would not change. It wasn’t up to me. It was clear that the best thing to do was to adopt a sort of muddled cheerfulness.

We can see that in the inverse relationship exhibited by price/earnings ratios and the rate of inflation in the past.

Giving people what they want isn’t just good radio

The Pride of ancestry increases in the ratio of distance.

Forethought and prudence are the proper qualities of a leader. [Lat., Ratio et consilium, propriae ducis artes.]

In the family, happiness is in the ratio in which each is serving the others, seeking one another’s good, and bearing one another’s burdens.