I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
ADAM CAROLLAI’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
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I get depressed at airports.
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When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
ADAM CAROLLA