Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
ADAM CAROLLAI’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
ADAM CAROLLA