If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
ADAM CAROLLAI get depressed at airports.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
ADAM CAROLLA