“I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.”

People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.

What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.

I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.

Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.

If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.

Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show

So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.

When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.

I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.

If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.

Harriet Tubman didn’t have strategy meetings or a movement behind her, she was the movement.

When I get old and slow down I want to look behind me and see all the fire and the wreckage and no stone left unturned.

If you’re going to drop behind, you have to keep it there.

We should also leave behind discrimination, because it is narrow-minded and ignorant, denies contact and warmth; and corrodes mankind’s belief that we can better ourselves.

The public one and the secret one, and you can dictate a sentence prepared by the political and security apparatuses that are behind this trial.

The reason behind our separation is one of those things I definitely don’t want to go into!

We must leave the entire collection of conditioned thought behind and let ourselves be led by the inner thread of silence into the unknown, beyond where all paths end, to that place where we go innocently or not at all, not once but continually.

Most people don’t get out of childhood, or adolescence, without being wounded for telling the truth. Someone says ‘you can’t say that’ or ‘you shouldn’t say that’ or ‘that wasn’t appropriate’.