Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
ADAM CAROLLAI guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
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The pace of radio is very fast. Boom, boom, with a little six minute segment, then on to the next thing. With podcasts you can talk about something for 25 minutes if you like – there is a lot of artistic freedom with it.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
ADAM CAROLLA