He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
ADAM CAROLLAWhen I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
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I liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with their pluses and minuses.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
ADAM CAROLLA