When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
ADAM CAROLLAI think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
ADAM CAROLLA