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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.

Adam Carolla

I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Attempted Comedy Good Stand Up Very
Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
ADAM CAROLLA

Care Everone Funny Humor Intimidating Oh My God Saying
If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
ADAM CAROLLA

Absolutely Ever Funny Humor Idea Relationship
You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
ADAM CAROLLA

Afford Between Bunch Choice Dropped Last Loser Unenviable
All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
ADAM CAROLLA

All Funny Humor Middle Nothing Really Want
I am not a good cue card reader.
ADAM CAROLLA

Card Cue Feeling Good Positive Reader
Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
ADAM CAROLLA

Buc Focus Made Making Nickle Saving
If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bird Human Remain Size Street Tax
People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
ADAM CAROLLA

Excel Fail Failing Opportunity People
I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.
ADAM CAROLLA

Definitely Drama Future Life Making Serious
The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aisle Land Leave People Ten Thing View
Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
ADAM CAROLLA

Attracted Chick Doing Happen Love Dude Money Successful
When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.
ADAM CAROLLA

Especially Lot Missing More Partner Television
Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
ADAM CAROLLA

Check Up Doctor Funny Health Heapatist Humor Taste
. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
ADAM CAROLLA

Best Bless Country Dancing Floor God Man Star Win Woman Wooden
To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ability Assess Honest Honestly Important More Something Working
People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
ADAM CAROLLA

Drag Dream People Person Realistic
I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
ADAM CAROLLA

Angry Comically Complaining Laughing People Start
I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
ADAM CAROLLA

Funny Humor Month Potentially Really Trying Two Week
Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aware Get Getting Laid Over Thing
I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
ADAM CAROLLA

Desire People Political Some Sort Strong Thinking Wrap
If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
ADAM CAROLLA

Conservative Hollywood Need People Place
The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
ADAM CAROLLA

Experience Horrible Job Learned Mean
I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
ADAM CAROLLA

Click Daughter Dude Funnier Gonna Mediocre Sense Staff Tell Writer
Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
ADAM CAROLLA

Enough Formatted Need Poor Reader Show Type
I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
ADAM CAROLLA

Architecture Car Dirty Hammer Money Stuff Wanted
I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
ADAM CAROLLA

Biggest Coffee Soccer Soft Thinking Whatever World

This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.

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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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