The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
ADAM CAROLLA
I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
ADAM CAROLLA -
In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
ADAM CAROLLA -
If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
ADAM CAROLLA -
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
ADAM CAROLLA -
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
ADAM CAROLLA -
No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
ADAM CAROLLA