I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
ADAM CAROLLAWell, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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It’s something I’ve always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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