If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
ADAM CAROLLAWell, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
ADAM CAROLLA