When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
ADAM CAROLLAWell, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
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You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It’s a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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The pace of radio is very fast. Boom, boom, with a little six minute segment, then on to the next thing. With podcasts you can talk about something for 25 minutes if you like – there is a lot of artistic freedom with it.
ADAM CAROLLA