I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
ADAM CAROLLAIf you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
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