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Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.

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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
ADAM CAROLLA

Explore Figure Funny Humor Nap Out
When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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Arrival Funny Humor Smell Trumpet
I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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Excel Fail Failing Opportunity People
No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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Bear Chasing Depressed
I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
ADAM CAROLLA

Finished Funny Humor Masturbatory Pizza Session Two
Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
ADAM CAROLLA

Better Emotional Guy Mechanical Stuff Women
All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
ADAM CAROLLA

All Funny Humor Middle Nothing Really Want
I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
ADAM CAROLLA

Desire People Political Some Sort Strong Thinking Wrap
When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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Christmas Country Dad Feel Instantly Kid Wrong
If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
ADAM CAROLLA

Affiliation Everyone Glenn Beck Life Media Started Towards Worried
The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
ADAM CAROLLA

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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
ADAM CAROLLA

Experience Horrible Job Learned Mean
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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Chick Daughter Dude Fire Funny Mother Reason
Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
ADAM CAROLLA

Average Batting Delusional Good Hundred Percentage Pretty
I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
ADAM CAROLLA

Best Each Friend Man Men Other Sex Spouse Thinking Tolerate Wife
If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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Act Boom Country Driven Gay Golf Real Rule Section Value
A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Guy Mean Money People Successful Thinking
You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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Accomplishment Feel Good Should Yelled Yourself
I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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Car Guy Hammer Nut Sort Swinging Turning Wrenching
Welfare is monetary methadone.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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Desire Infused Need Office Passion Patriotism Place Probably Vigor
We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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Asian Black Hispanic Straight Together White Working
People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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College Look People Smart White
I’d never hurt another person.
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Another Calm Heart Hurt People Person Pure
He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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Done Funny Guy Humor Onesome Threesome
People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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Dumb People Stuff Stupid Successful

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