Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
ADAM CAROLLAEverything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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I’d never hurt another person.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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