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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’

Adam Carolla

I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
ADAM CAROLLA

Daughter Issue Love Mother Much Women
I liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with their pluses and minuses.
ADAM CAROLLA

All Artistic Different Favorite Podcasting Radio Script
I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
ADAM CAROLLA

Click Daughter Dude Funnier Gonna Mediocre Sense Staff Tell Writer
I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bought Count Counting Lazy Normally Vote
They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
ADAM CAROLLA

Advertize Bejeeezus Commercial Out Pie Seen Yogurt
You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
ADAM CAROLLA

Afford Between Bunch Choice Dropped Last Loser Unenviable
People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
ADAM CAROLLA

College Look People Smart White
Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
ADAM CAROLLA

Average Batting Delusional Good Hundred Percentage Pretty
If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
ADAM CAROLLA

Country Dude Enough Funny Joy People Television Thinking
I’d never hurt another person.
ADAM CAROLLA

Another Calm Heart Hurt People Person Pure
As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bird Book Escape Mean Moving Relieved
I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bigger Commercial Funny Humor Maxi Nice Pad Visual
If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bird Human Remain Size Street Tax
I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
ADAM CAROLLA

Call Dish Giving Head Hungarian Night Paprikash Sorry World
If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
ADAM CAROLLA

Act Boom Country Driven Gay Golf Real Rule Section Value
That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
ADAM CAROLLA

Dream Force Like Love Pursue Quit Sport Writing

People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’

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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’

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