I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
ADAM CAROLLAThe best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It’s a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
ADAM CAROLLA