You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
ADAM CAROLLAI spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It’s a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn’t imagine it.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
ADAM CAROLLA