There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
ADAM CAROLLAIt’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
-
-
I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
ADAM CAROLLA -
. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
ADAM CAROLLA -
It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
ADAM CAROLLA -
No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
ADAM CAROLLA -
When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I get depressed at airports.
ADAM CAROLLA -
When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
ADAM CAROLLA -
The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Welfare is monetary methadone.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
ADAM CAROLLA -
The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
ADAM CAROLLA -
The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
ADAM CAROLLA -
If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
ADAM CAROLLA -
[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I’m a comedian, not a politician.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
ADAM CAROLLA