There are certain things women are better at than men.
ADAM CAROLLAThe thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn’t imagine it.
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I get depressed at airports.
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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